Are you curious about what goes on during the third trimester? Every pregnancy is different for every woman...and every woman can have different pregnancies herself. So today Stacia, who writes Dried on Milk, is going to give you a glimpse as to what’s in store. She even has a surprise up her sleeve!
YAY! The home stretch! Welcome to the third trimester that’s full of excitement, nesting, anxiety, fear, etc, etc. There are woman who love being pregnant, there are women who don’t and then there are ones who are just sort of in-between. I don’t love it. I don’t know why, I just don’t. But that doesn’t make me a horrible person or a bad mom. Physically being pregnant is a bitch on wheels. The end result is worth it.
photography by Megan Abelard Sanders
Realistically, I’m very lucky with normal pregnancy issues, yet I still find a way to complain like I’m the only woman in the world that experiences pregnancy carpal tunnel, swelling and heartbuuuurn. Many women welcome these changes; I did not. Yeah, did… surprise! He’s already here! Well I hoped he’d be beautiful, his 3-D ultrasound pics kinda made him look like elephant man. (Oh my god, I’m kidding. Of course he’s beautiful. Relax. Although newborns do kinda look like little old men…)
Questions like, am I going to give birth to the elephant man?
is not the only irrational question I had.
There is something strangely sentimental about the fact that this is the last time we plan on doing this whole baby thing. Plan, being the key word there. I look at my 3-year-old drama-queen-who-has-an-attitude-like-her-mama and wonder where the time went. She was born surprisingly early and I was so unprepared. I was such a rookie. I didn’t know a damn thing about being a mama. Hell, I still don’t but I fake it real good. Believe me when I say the best moms in the world fake it. We all just do the best we can and that’s what’s important.
Labor tends to be what women kinda fear towards the end. It’s the unexpected that’s scary. The real thing isn’t horrific otherwise we wouldn’t keep doing this. I actually had a pretty easy labor with Ava. My contractions were manageable. It’s ok if you feel like kicking me in the taco for saying that, when possibly your labor felt like your body was tearing in two and you were only 2cms dilated. With Ava, my water breaking was the only way I knew I was in labor. Those flips and stretches turned out to be contractions… who knew? When I got to the hospital I was 4cms dilated and 80% effaced. I’m was in the same boat this time with my son and feeling the same way except no water breaking, so it was a very long waiting game.
Listen up, Rosie Pope... a double chin, greasy hair and face, THAT'S how you rock labor
I am going to be in the Guinness Book of World Records as the woman with the longest labor, evah. Finally, when I decided to head to the hospital I was ready! I actually had a bag packed but I still forgot my damn comb and didn’t realize it until I got out of the shower. My doctor got to see the prettiest mani/pedi she’s ever seen. Oh and my waxed eyebrows and freshly shaved legs. Yeah, bitches… that’s what you do when you are in labor for this long, clean that shit up.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to shave your legs in the third trimester? It can be done but you might want to have some band aids on hand. Now, it’s damn near impossible to take care of the under carriage, unless of course you have someone who can help you out, a really good angled mirror or a waxer.
The first trimester I was a smidge more nauseous than the first time around, ate like a cow, slept like Rip Van Winkle, pooped pebbles, and pretty much any kind of scent made my stomach churn (I wasn’t picky, any scent at all).
The second trimester, I can’t really remember to be honest due to the fact I was chasing a 3 year old. They say it’s the best one, you get your energy back. I guess I kinda did. I didn’t feel like barfing all the time so that was good. I was still tired but that was probably due to arguing with my 3 going on 16 year old. My waist expanded quicker than I thought it would but the weight was kept at a minimum. I guess what I remember most was the gazillion doctor’s appointments, ultrasounds and shots/suppositories. Just have your first baby early and you'll get all those too when you have baby number two. Oh god pregnancy is fun.
the day before I popped, 35 weeks 4 days
I really had no idea how different things could be. I gained less weight than I did with Ava and I was a week further along but I felt so much BIGGER. A good 10lbs of it though is in my hands and feet alone. I have HULK hands. You should see these veins. Another 10lbs goes to my bodacious boobies.
Naturally, I had hoped I would make it much closer to the end this time and damn it, kids just have a way of crampin’ your style and they just go and do things their way. JEEZ THE NERVE! All kidding aside, this has been a wild ride and the third trimester, although shortened, was exactly what I expected.
I would like to introduce you to Ethan Zane (oh yeah, his initials are EZE, so naturally his nickname is Easy E, my little gangsta rapper) born at 35 weeks and 5 days, isn’t he handsome? Ya know, for an old man baby? I just want to eat him up. Num num num. My heart has expanded ten-fold, I am so in love.
my beautiful/handsome baby boy
That completes our "How to Grow a Human" series! We hope you enjoyed the journey!
Since we've received multiple requests to continue writing,
we've decided that we'll also be doing a "How to Raise a Human" series. Stay tuned!