Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Guilt is the heaviest weight

So, yours truly is feeling some serious Mommy guilt this evening.  Why you ask?  Ava is in the stage where she is acting out, aggressively. Not all the time... only when I try to change her diaper or when I pick her up (because she'd rather be walking/ running).  Articles tell me that she's acting like this because she is frustrated that she can't "tell" me what she wants/ needs.  But she hits me hard. In the face.  Pulls my hair.  Smacks my chest.  I got so fed up today that I raised my voice (almost yelling), grabbed her hands and stared her right in the face, saying "STOP.  DO NOT HIT ME. THAT IS ENOUGH." Then I put her down, only to leave her crying in a little pile, while I walked away... leaving her confused and sad.


Ken came in, telling me not to yell because I'm only making things worse... which made me feel even more terrible.  He took over at that point (to put her down for the night) and here I am now, feeling like an awful Mom for not being more patient with her.  I just don't know what to do.  I tell her constantly, "Don't hit Mommy.  That hurts Mommy"... or "We don't hit, Ava".  But she just laughs because she thinks I'm being funny".  Ugh... I'm now looking at every article I can find on how to curb your child's aggression.  I suppose this is the first of many occassions that I will feel guilty as a parent.  Let the fun begin...

5 comments:

Mascara meets Matchbox said...

Girl don't feel too bad - we all go through this stage! Griffin (who is now 2.5) went thru it, it only lasted about a week or 2 - and you know what worked best? Ignoring it! I totally went from telling him no (which he laughed at )to ignoring it when he hit me or whatever. Totally worked. good luck.

Maggie said...

Agreed, ignoring it does wonders. Put her down and walk away. Don't say a word.

print girl ink said...

oh boy. ok let me just say that your sweet baby girl is still there and that she is not the only kid that does this. my ava did the EXACT same thing. in time she will learn to understand that it does hurt to hit someone and that it's not ok. shoot man ava was in time out last night for hitting J and that stubborn thing held out for 20 whole minutes refusing to say she's sorry but she eventually caved. just keep telling her to not hit that it does hurt. she will probably continue to laugh at you for a while because you are right, she doesn't understand but she will. YOU are NOT a bad mom, you like all of us get frustrated! IT'S NORMAL! what helps me it to take a second before i react to ava to breath and remind myself that i'm the adult that has the skill to rationalize... she's a child and does not, you have to teach her. and it doesn't happen over night (i wish!). when we started time outs (around 18mos) that lasted 30sec to a minute she would laugh at me and think it's funny in time out... she doesn't anymore. ignoring does work sometimes and sometimes it doesn't, we tried it all. I have yelled at ava before and i immediately hated myself for it, you aren't alone.

Tasha said...

I know that feeling too. Blake got me to that exact same point for the first time in the grocery store. I was holding her b/c she wouldn't go in the cart, grabbed her hands and firmly said "no" in a raised voice. Blake laughed and as I looked around..... a woman down the aisle looking at me ROLLED HER EYES and looked away. I wanted to either punch that woman or break down crying! Hang in there! I am still trying to figure this new stage out too, but you are not alone. And you are a GREAT mom!:)

Krista said...

Don't feel guilty. You are a wonderful mom. If it makes you feel any better, Connor will give me a kiss on the lips (so sweet) and then proceed to look me dead in the eyes and pull HARD on both ears at the same time. It's like he's trying to pull my ears off of my head.